The following is a spoof on the substance of much of contemporary Evangelicalism. It is taken from a past edition of Modern Reformation, probably Jan/Feb 1997, but I am not sure of the original publication date.
I know I may be stepping into a hornets nest here, but I post it because I find it funny – sad, but funny:
I believe in God who once was Almighty, but sovereignly chose not to be sovereign; and in Jesus, my personaLordandSavior, Who loves me and has a wonderful plan for my life, Who came into my heart when I asked him to, and is now seated at the right ventricle of my belief in him, Who walks with me and talks with me along life’s narrow way, and tells me I am his own, Who shall come again with secrecy to rapture us outta’ here, Whose kingdom shall last exactly one thousand years; And in the Holy Ghost, who did some weird stuff at Pentecost, but doesn’t do much more anymore except speak to the hearts of individual believers.
And I believe in this local, independent, and powerless church, insofar as it is in line with my personal interpretation of the Bible and does stuff I like; in one Believer’s baptism for the public proof of my decision for Christ; and in giving my personal testimony for soul winning.
And I look for the identity of the Antichrist, and know that the Last Days are upon us.